“Avoiding Gossip” ≠ Edification
(To a close friend) “I’m so done with this person. He never follows through with our plans.”
“I wouldn’t trust him with this project.”
“Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil; may the Lord repay to him according to his works.”
Are the examples above gossip?
To answer this question, we need to first define what qualifies as gossip. I’ve seen Christians err on both sides—(1) claiming something as gossip when it’s not; and (2) gossiping without intending to. As believers called to maturity (cf. Col 1:28; Heb 5:12), we should strive beyond gossip. Avoiding gossip is a low bar. Rather, we should purpose our speech to edify in every opportunity.
So let’s start with gossip: what it is and isn’t
Key Qualifier: False Content
A clear and biblical definition is really important. The Encyclopedia of the Bible, per Bible Gateway, defines gossip as:
A gossip is one who repeats idle talk or rumors about others.
This is a great definition. Especially when we consider the associated Greek words "psithurismos” (“Gossip”; cf. 2 Cor 12:20) and “pseudomai” (“to lie”). Since psithurismos comes from pseudomai, it’s important to note that the key concept of gossip is content. This is why it is defined as “…idle talk or rumors”. A rumor has content that isn’t true.
This potentially explains why a gossiper is a fool, one who is wicked and against God (Prov 11:13). Why? Because gossip is, at the heart of things, lying. Who’s a liar? Satan! Gossip is demonic. Scripture exhorts us to not associate with such a person (Prov 20:19). Because gossip deals with lies, what naturally follows are quarreling, anger, conceit, and slander (12:19). I know “Christians” who loves gossiping and slandering the “institutional” church in a generalized way (even though they don’t define anything nor provide actual examples). These conversations almost always produce quarreling, anger, conceit, and slander.
All to say, gossip is a sin. We are called to speak “the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” (Eph 4:25)
2. Clarification: Gossip > Talking behind someone’s back
Piper defines gossip as “bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.” While useful, it’s incomplete. So let’s talk about the three things here: (1) Bad news; (2) [talking] behind someone’s back; and (3) bad heart.
“Bad news” can still be objectively true, so it doesn’t automatically qualify as gossip. For example, “[Person X’s'] mother just passed away.” That’s bad news. That’s not gossip (as in, the statement). It’s certainly not encouraging or uplifting. Piper is spot on when addressing a “bad heart”—we’ll dive deeper in just a bit. What about talking behind someone’s back?
“Talking behind someone’s back” fails to qualify a statement, claim, or conversation as gossip. If gossip = talking behind someone’s back, then we shouldn’t say anything about anybody. Yet, Jesus and the biblical authors seemed to “talk behind people’s backs”…often indicating bad news too!
Christ told His disciples, “Watch and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees” (Matt 16:6) and pronounced 7 woes to them in Matthew 23:1-36? Contextually, Jesus pronounced the woes about the Pharisees “to the crowds and to his disciples,” (Matt 23:1) after dialoguing with them (Matt22). Luke 11-12 paints a similar picture. After heated dialogue, Jesus “began to say to his disciples first, ‘Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy…” (Lk 12:1) That sounds like talking behind their backs.
Something similar happened with Paul. He wrote, “look out for the the dogs, the evildoers, and those who mutilate the flesh” (3:2)—referring to a specific group of people known by the church. In 2 Corinthians, Paul once again calls a group of people as “false apostles”, and “deceitful workmen”, and says that their end will correspond to their deeds (2 Cor 11:13-15). Did Paul gossip? Of course not.
Example: Christian A and B are both part of a church. Christian A asks the pastor if he should date Christian B. The pastor says “no” because he knows certain information about Christian B. The pastor (confidentially) shares some info about B to A. Christian A decides to not pursue B and the whole church rejoices. Did the pastor “talk behind Christian B’s back”? Probably. But is it gossip? Probably not.
All to say, talking behind someone’s back is insufficient as gossip. Gossip must address the content of what’s being said.
3. Edification > Avoiding Gossip
For some Christians (like me), I consciously try not to gossip. But that isn’t necessarily the same as pursuing edification.
For example, I prefer not to speculate about what I don’t know for sure. And when I do speculate, I make sure to include indicators that I’m speculating and not making a truth claim. I use (subjunctive) words like “could, might, potentially, possibly…” etc. to show that I do not know—thereby ensuring I’m not making a false claim on someone or something.
On the other hand, I can be, at times, “brutally honest”. While the content is true, it was not spoken from a place of love and care. It did not bring grace to those who heard it. Sometimes, I can even use “truth” with the intent of causing harm. In these examples, just because I didn’t gossip doesn’t mean my speech was edifying or building up. In some cases, it was more edifying for me to keep my mouth shut.
Consider two important passages
“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. (1 Cor 10:23-24)
“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” (Gal 5:13)
This leads to the next point:
4. Edification = Truth + Wisdom + Love
Christians are called to speak truth in love (cf. Eph 4:15) and in wisdom. Oftentimes, this involves purity, gentleness, mercy, and sincerity (cf. Jas 4:17). True content must be filtered/packaged/delivered with wisdom with the intent of love. I don’t think there is a universal formula for how we can speak edifyingly—especially given the diversity of language and culture. The Holy Spirit certainly helps us.
One practical method is James 1:19-20, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Anger is a deterrent against edification. When emotions are high…it’s probably better not to speak.
As a general rule of thumb, wisdom is displayed by those who control their tongues:
Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,
and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.
Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (Prov 17:27-28)
Hasty speech is a sign of…rashness and immaturity, to say the least. More importantly, being “quick to hear” enables greater understanding for the sake of effective and edifying speech. The more you hear the other person talk, (hopefully) the more you can gauge how you can speak words that edify and convict.
5. Conclusion: See Chart
Truth + Love (& wisdom) = Edification
Truth + harm = Harshness
Falsehood + love = Gossip (Unintentional)
Falsehood + harm = Gossip (Intentional)
Note: Harm ≠ hurt. Harm deals with intent, while hurt is largely a matter of result. People can be “hurt” (or “offended) from anything. Being hurt or offended does not automatically reflect the content or intent of the statement. The Gospel, in some cases, is offensive. Addressing sin, even when done gently and in love, can be hurtful. We can’t always control the way others respond to what we say.
Therefore, we should primarily evaluate what we say based on content and intent, and not the listener’s response (secondary).
