3 Steps to Discern Pride
God hates pride. He opposes the proud (Jas 4:6). Pride is often considered the root of sin. But how do we discern it?
Sometimes our natural inclination is to observe and discern someone’s demeanor, behavior, and expression. In many cases, pride is tied to arrogance and stubbornness, and these traits can be discerned from someone’s demeanor and behavior. While there’s value to that, sometimes it’s not the clearest way to identify pride—especially in a transcultural community and context. Why? Because some personalities are naturally more expressive than others and vice versa. Perhaps one may consider expressiveness (or confidence) as pride, while the opposite as humility.
At the Core, Pride is…
Pride is ultimately a matter of truth. CS Lewis describes pride as “self-conceit”. In other words, it’s self-delusion, self-deception, falsehood and misalignment with truth. In a sense, pride is persistence (arrogance) and self-exaltation in falsehood. It is a hardened heart in what’s wrong. Psalm 10:4 serves as an excellent example: “In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, ‘There is no God.’” “There is no God” is more than mere arrogance, it is a denial of truth and reality.
This is why God is not prideful. Some people criticize God as arrogant or prideful because He claims to be the only way to salvation. Some also criticize God as egoistic to demand worship. Is that true? Well, Jesus is “gentle and lowly in heart.” (Matt 11:29) More importantly, God is not prideful or arrogant because He is the truth. It is true that the only way to salvation is through Christ! (cf. Jn 14:6) Only God is worthy of worship because He is Holy and Almighty (and lots more), and worship is the right response to a Holy God. Again, its a matter of truth.
So, how do we discern pride? Consider 3 basic steps.
Step 1: Focus on Statements
Instead of focusing on the “vibes” someone gives, listen to what they’re saying and ask the question, "Is what they’re saying true?” If someone blatantly makes a false or dubious claim, that could be an indicator of pride. Certainly, people say wrong things out of ignorance, misinformation, or a lack of knowledge. At the same time, people make false claims because they choose to believe in lies, deception, and falsehood as they are “lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” (2 Tim 3:2)
Here are some examples that could reflect pride.
“God doesn’t love me.”
Response: Sometimes people believe and say this out of hurt, brokenness, and something really bad that happened. We should mourn with those who mourn (Rom 12:15) . Yet, this claim is not true even when one feels that way. God’s love has been demonstrated on the cross.
“Everyone in that [Protestant/Evangelical] denomination does not care about truth.”
Response: How do you know? Have you talked to everyone in that denomination? This is the fallacy of composition, where one is equated as the whole. Note the difference between this claim and “everyone I’ve met in that denomination didn’t seem to care about truth.” The latter claim is true based on one’s experience and does not account for the whole.
“Christian scholars are people who do not live out their faith.”
Response: I heard this from a missionary and I was shocked. Why? Because it’s nonsense. What if I said, “Missionaries are escapists?” That’s ridiculous because some missionaries are the godliest people willing to give everything for the Gospel. Anyways, are there scholars who may not live out their faith? Of course, just as there are missionaries who renounce their faith. But does a scholar = not living out one’s faith? No way! Think about church history and how most pastors were also scholars. Did Augustine, Justin Martyr, Polycarp, Thomas Aquinas, Calvin and many contemporary Christian scholars fail to live out their faith (many who I know personally and respect)?
“Charismatic Christians are anti-intellectual.”
Response: This statement is anti-intellectual. Hello? Gordon Fee, Craig Keener, and many others?
“You are not Christian unless you speak in tongues.”
“Every healing that happens today is not from God.”
“If you don’t read the Bible in [this translation], you’re not really reading God’s Word.”
“All Christians are hypocrites.”
By the way, watch out for superlative, absolute, generalized, universal, or extreme claims. Please note that there is a difference between making a (truth) claim and the use of hyperbole, humor, or figurative language for effect. The focus here are truth claims.
Step 2: Address the Statement
Upon identifying a prideful statement, the next step is to address and confront it. In some cases, it’s asking the question, “Is that true?”, “How do you know?”, or “Do you really mean that?”
This step is crucial because it gives the person who made the claim a chance to reflect and pursue humility. As Proverbs 9:8 writes, “reprove a wise man, and he will love you.” How a person reacts to correction and reproof is critical. On the contrary, “he who hates reproof is stupid.” (Prov 12:1) Yes, prideful people are stupid because they cannot stand truth nor correction. In fact, they will only get stupider unless they repent or soften their hearts. So sometimes all we can do is pray for them.
Step 3: Observe the Response
The last step is to observe and analyze how the person responds after being confronted. Does the person actually care about truth, or is one’s heart hardened to the point where he/she will not reason or dialogue? I had a conversation in which the person said, “All Christians are hypocrites.” In response, I affirmed that there are undeniably hypocrites in every faith or field (e.g.: sports fans). But I invited him to try out my fellowship, only to receive the response, “No way, because all Christians are hypocrites.” Then he walks out. That’s pride and a hardening of heart.
However, let’s say he took my offer and came to church and changed his stance afterwards (something like this actually happened with someone else). That’s humility.
Conclusion
By no means is this method exhaustive. This is one way to discern pride among many. By the way, a prideful person can make reasonable statements. For example, if Tom Brady said, “I’m one of the best quarterbacks in NFL history,” that’s not prideful. Why? Because it’s true! In fact, that statement sounds rather humble—but Tom Brady could be a prideful person nonetheless (I really have no idea…this is just an example I made up). However, pride can be easily detected when someone makes a false claim. This is why conversations and dialogues are so important.
But before we point our fingers at others, let’s take a step back and look at ourselves. How do you and I talk? Are we prone to making false claims—lies—without a care for truth? Are we careful about what we say or how we speak? At the end of the day, we should start with ourselves in our pursuit of humility, capitalizing on truth and making a stand to speak truth as God is the truth.
