Does a Minister’s spouse’s bad character disqualify one from ministry?
Defining our terms
Let’s begin by defining our terms:
Minister: I’m referring to anyone involved in a ministry capacity or role. This can be those in full-time/part-time ministry (“a pastor”) or those volunteering/bi-vocational. Ministers also included elders and deacons, as, biblically speaking, they are those called to lead and serve the church (I understand many churches don't use the language of “elder” or “deacon”.)
Bad Character: Bad character is one who lack of the fruit of the Spirit (cf. Gal 5:22-23) on a consistent basis, and demonstrates the fruit of the flesh (Gal 5:19-21). Instead of reflecting God’s peace, patience, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, one is consumed by sensuality, envy, drunkenness, dissension, jealousy and so on. Pretty much, this person is struggling big-time with sanctification. Sure, he/she can be saved, but definitely not someone we want to point to as a godly person.
Does a Minister’s Spouse’s bad character disqualify the minister from ministry?
Answer: Not necessarily. Why? Because ministry is a broad term. There are many components to ministry and a variety of different ministries. For example, I wouldn't say a spouse’s character necessarily disqualifies one from sports ministries.
But in other cases, it does! I believe the qualification of one being an elder (or one in an elder position—senior / executive pastor) or deacon (youth pastor?) of a church demands a functional household (1 Tim 3:5; 3:12) which, by implication, addresses the spouse’s character. It doesn’t make sense that a household can function if the spouse, whether husband or wife, is dysfunctional with character issues.
At the least, I firmly believe that the bad character of a minister’s spouse should limit the minister’s capability and influence in ministry. Let me explain.
#1 The Minister and Spouse are One (Premise)
Mark 10:7 writes, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” The husband and wife are ONE. Marriage is a union. The husband and the wife are not separate.
This means that the spouse’s character (let’s assume her as the wife) is not just her fault and responsibility, it is also his fault and responsibility (and vice-versa). Certainly, only God can change someone’s heart and soul, but the lines in marriage aren’t as clear-cut as some would think (and as presented by culture).
Therefore, if a wife’s Christian character is really concerning, that’s her problem but it is no less of his problem. As an ideal complementarian, a key role the husband plays in the family is that of the spiritual leader. In other words, the husband is the pastor of the family. One of his roles is to lead and guide the family into the right relationship with God.
Therefore, if his spouse is concerning, he 100% has a role to play in her character development. Consider Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7, “For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband...” Obviously, “made holy” does not always promise salvation, but it shows the impact of a spouse even when the other is an unbeliever—how much more when both of them are believers! (There are many reasons accounting for a spouse’s character development: the lack of love and care, neglect, mistreatment, prioritization of work > family etc.)
#2 The Ministry is Affected
Since the husband and wife are one, they will clearly affect each other. If the husband is in ministry, his ministry will be affected because he is affected. Here are two ways the ministry can be affected:
First, it leads to the corruption and (potential) destruction of a ministry. Think about it. If a spouse has bad character, it is likely that their marriage has issues. Marital struggles often lead to sin, particularly immorality, adultery, and affairs. Sin plagues ministry. Yes, God is in control but hopefully everyone can see how churches and ministries have been destroyed by sin. A spouse’s bad character may not corrupt a ministry, but it really could! For the sake of the church and righteousness, we should be really careful when a spouse’s character is not in alignment with Scripture.
Second, even if the minister does not sin because of one’s spouse, there is an impact to his/her ministry effectiveness. Again, the impact varies depending on the minister’s ministry and role. But let’s assume the minister is in some pastoral role offering counseling. The minister is visited by a couple undergoing marital problems. How can one provide sound counsel when one’s own household is a mess? Certainly, one can provide basic biblical information, but what about the exhortation and application?
Consider this:
1) Ministry is about relationships
2) Marriage is the no.1 earthly relationship
3) A minister is failing one's no.1 earthly relationship
Conclusion: How is one trustworthy to conduct Kingdom relationships? This is obviously rhetorical — one cannot!
Application: Churches need to vet ministers AND spouses carefully
What are churches saying when they allow a seemingly “anointed” minister to serve when one’s spouse character is concerning?
Ministry may involve skill, charisma, and anointing. But at the heart of it, its CHARACTER. Christ is characterized by character. One’s qualification to lead, according to the qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 are largely character traits that reflect character. As Paul wrote, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ,” (1 Cor 11:1) he exhorts the church to imitate his lifestyle. The fruit of the Spirit is displayed in one’s character and lifestyle.
*I’m fully aware that character and marital issues are often caused by sin, trauma, brokenness, and generational curses. Healing, counseling, therapy, and deliverance is needed.
